ReviewStew.Net

Face Bank – Coin Eating Savings Bank


When you first see this terrifying piece of plastic, your first thoughts will be: “What the heck am I looking at?” But then you’ll realise that it comes from Japan, a country known for its strange gimmicky products. No further explanation needed. This is a money box! A very ugly money box, but that’s not the point. The point is that it’s a hilarious novelty item that you can waste hours of your life watching chew your money!

Buy now!

Specs:

  • Measures 3.7 x 3.7 x 3.9 inches
  • Built in heat sensor that starts when you put your hand up to it
  • Fits almost every type of coin!
  • Long operating life.
  • Comes in several colours
  • Made of plastic; durable and easy to clean
Buy now!

The Eyes:

eyesWhere do I begin? These eyes! Look at them. They literally pierce your soul. And they just follow you everywhere. No matter what angle you stand at, the eyes are always looking directly at you. You cannot escape. You will never sleep again, knowing that this anathema is eyeballing you. 

The Nose:

What nose? No(nosese) joke, this deformity is in the possession of only two nostrils, and no lump of cartilage that we all know as “nose”. However, when the chewing action begins, the mouth pushes out, forcing out a large bulge around the nostrils, which could almost be mistaken as a muzzle.

The Mouth:

It’s smiling. It looks oddly satisfied with itself. It’s all like “look mum, aren’t you proud of me?mouth”, like a small child that has just painted an amazing picture on the carpet with chocolate. Actually, it’s far more psychopathic than that. It’s kind of like a toothless grin, like an elderly person that didn’t brush their teeth as a child. And yet it still manages to literally guzzle your money, coin by coin. Perhaps its only grinning because it’s never seen itself. Yep. That’s the one.

The Chewing Action:

5VqqWKCWhen you finally gain the courage to put your hand near this freakish, Japanese, satanic box, you then have to summate your bravery and insert your coin into this penny guzzling, ogre-like monstrosity. The money box chews as long as you have your hand near it due to its heat and light sensor. And as it chews it produces a disturbing buzzing noise, that I can only describe as the sound made when the gates of hell are opened, an event that occurred at the birth of this freakish, psychopathic, child’s toy.  One possible problem I foresee with this product is young children may get their fingers lodged in the money box’s throat. It may be difficult to remove the fingers, as the face will continue chewing. However, this shouldn’t be a massive problem, as the mouth’s shape would make it very difficult to get anything stuck in there. It’s horrifically mesmerising.

The Face As A Whole:

From all my31Al6NrYMJL years as preschool art teacher, never have I seen such an abomination. This monstrosity is clearly Michael Jackson and Lord Voldemort’s love child. This product should be illegal. Ever since its release, the frequency of eye cancer has increased drastically. Frankly, this is the type of face I’d expect to see in hell, a place where I am condemned to go after looking at this monster. I cannot explain in words how terrifying this nasty piece of work is. And besides, we didn’t want to sleep tonight anyway.

 

 

Functionality:

Aside from all the previously mentioned drawbacks, throbot-face-bank-1__40603.1411049959.190.250is product is great. It’s a very successful way of teaching young children to save up money, mainly because they’ll be too afraid to try to lever open the backside of the evil being to wrench out their pennies. You can also trust it to look after your children whilst you are away, mainly because your children will be too terrified to leave the corner where they are huddled up into a ball to escape the burning gaze of this shameful invention. Unfortunately, it’s incredibly durable, meaning its impossible to get rid of. You can try smashing it with a hammer, running it over with a semi-trailer, burning it with fire; this epitome of all evil will give a Nokia 3310 a run for its money. The sensor system in the box sometimes goes off randomly in the middle of the night, forcing you to wake up to a chainsaw like buzzing noise, and a evil face peering at you from its perch. At the end of the day, you can always count on it to be sitting on your bedside table, giving you its demonic glare.

Summary:

Despite the terrible looks of this product, I have to admit; it serves its purpose. It will either frighten your children until they won’t be able to sleep in their own house, or provide them will countless hours of entertainment until the battery runs out. It is very durable, so it will survive even the roughest children with ease. It also makes a very good prank gift to someone you either dislike very much or enjoys a good gag. Thanks Japan!

Buy now!

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